Why Dating as a Female Lawyer is Great
Years ago, I wrote a post called Why Dating Sucks for Female Lawyers. It’s one of my most popular posts. Basically I say that men often don’t really care about their date’s money or pedigree, and some men are intimidated by it. But as I recently turned 40, I’ve had a change of heart on this matter. My thinking was based on a certain type of success in dating – which is attracting the most sought-after eligible men. And for many women, that means tall and rich. But that’s certainly not the only or the best way to measure success.
The Insane Expectations Society Puts on ….Men
Like the rest of America, I’ve been inundated with news about the budding romance between Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift (I started writing this in October 2023 ). I’ve seen many a story and many a comment in person stating that Kelce isn’t tall enough, rich enough, or famous enough to date Taylor Swift.
And I think, that’s so sad for TSwift!
The way I see it – there is only one main the world who is tall enough(Swift is just shy of six feet), rich enough (she has a net worth of $730 million) AND famous enough to date Taylor Swift.
That man is Elon Musk.
So really Taylor Swift has to date Elon Musk whether she likes to or not. (Try to think of someone else that fits this height/money/fame/single criteria. It’s really hard to get all of them, especially the fame one). But the fans would surely find other problems with Elon Musk. Therefore, no one is good enough.
The Insane Expectations Society Puts on ….Women
Why are fans putting these parameters on Taylor Swift? She’s tall enough to get whatever she wants from the top shelves, rich enough that she doesn’t have to rely on anyone else, and famous enough to change the course of the news with her dating history. Why does she need a guy to match her on these attributes when she’s exceeded these attributes for nearly every man in the world?
The beauty of being Taylor Swift is that she doesn’t need the guy to be any of these things. She can choose a guy who’s short, poor, and unknown, if she wants to (maybe those aren’t the best categories to choose but she could). There’s a societal norm that women should be hypergamous – they should marry UP. And it probably made sense in the past because women did not have many opportunities to earn money. So a woman was basically hitching her ride to her husband. It also made sense in the early days of marriage when marriage was chiefly considered an economic arrangement.
It doesn’t make that much sense now and it doesn’t make that much sense for a woman at the top of her game. Taylor Swift’s fans think that having all the great attributes she has means Taylor Swift has to find someone who exceeds her. But the beauty of being Taylor Swift is that she doesn’t need a man to provide any of these things for her. She can choose whomever she wants because she doesn’t need anyone. She can choose for love.
The Mentality I Used to Have When Dating
Hypergamy is a nice fantasy when you’re young and floundering in your career with six figures of debt. It’s especially nice when you’re unsure if there’s any other way for you to have a happy ending. There’s a reason so many Hallmark movies feature commoners marry princes.
I remember once when I was dating someone and really proud to ride on his coattails. I felt like his prestigious job raised my stature. And I also dreamed of quitting my job and still having the finer things in life. Yes, I’m quite shallow, I’ll admit. But I think it’s just human nature to want certainty.
The Mentality I Have When Dating Now
Money provides some security, it’s true. But as I started earning more money, dating someone with a great salary was less important. As I started amassing more money, it became less important to find someone else who had wealth. I know that if I had gotten married and had children early on in my legal career, I would have quit my job. Being a lawyer is hard and it’s even harder in the beginning because you don’t know what you’re doing.
Because I didn’t get married, I had no one else to support myself, so I had to keep working. And the longer I worked, the more I developed skills and confidence. The more I worked, the more I grew in my identity as a lawyer. Now, I can’t imagine quitting my job. And I’ve also grown in my confidence in my ability to provide for a family.
The Beauty of Dating Whomever You Want
It’s difficult to date as a heterosexual woman because society has prescribed a very specific kind of man as ideal. He has to be over 6 feel tall and make six figures. Because of this, Hinge notes that 10% of men get 60% of the attention from women. Similarly the bottom 80% of men compete for the bottom 22% of women. Given these incentives, it seems like women would have to make certain concessions to nab one of these sought-after men. It’s just the law of supply and demand.
But whom you create a life with is such a monumental decision. I previously wrote about how difficult it was to date as a female lawyer because so many of the attributes of being a female lawyer aren’t valued in the dating world. But the biggest fantasy is being free to be able to choose whomever you are more compatible or most desire to be your partner.