My post about why it sucks to date as a female lawyer is the most popular post on this blog. But I don’t want to paint a pitiable picture of dating as a lawyer; there are also great advantages to dating as a lady lawyer. Becoming a lawyer set the stage for better relationships in my future.
How Being a Lawyer Helped Me Avoid a Bad Relationship
I recently dated a guy with a several million dollar net worth. He FIRE’d before FIRE-ing was cool.
Ultimately it didn’t work out because he was too controlling. Though we had only been on a few dates, he was already using guilt to manipulate me. He didn’t want me to have any male friends. And overall I just felt badly about myself when I was with him.
Obviously, as I tell this to you, you can see that this is bad news bears. But I was so relieved at the end of this relationship because of the skills that I learned as a lawyer.
Lady Lawyers are Less Dazzled by Money
He was handsome, charming, and smart. And money is impressive. I suspect that a decade ago with a median salary, I would have dreamed of the possibilities that a lifestyle with that kind of money could afford.
But as a lawyer, I know I can create a great life for myself using my own money. I quickly realized the problems with this guy and when I took money off the scales, the scale bounced straight up. I couldn’t see anything he brought to my life.
Female Attorneys Are Less Afraid of Confrontation
Despite the reputation of being a litigator, I am not someone who seeks out confrontation. In my younger years, I tried that rookie move of getting my boyfriends to break up with me because I would feel so bad breaking up with them.
If I were younger and more afraid of confrontation, I would have just gone along for a few more weeks letting Mr. Alpha dictate the shots. Because of my work as a lawyer, I’m long past being intimidated.
I’m no wallflower anymore. I was pushing back on him and he didn’t like that at all. He completely shut down and I was so relieved.
Lady Lawyers Don’t Waste Time
Not being afraid to start hard conversations, leads to a lot of saved time. I used to waste a ton of time in relationships I didn’t like because I never
When you’re working 70+ hours a week, billing in six-minute increments, you can’t help but notice your time. You get really efficient with how you use your time and really impatient with how others waste yours. When time is of the essence, you force the hard conversations first. You don’t stick around in dead-end relationships.
Female Attorneys Value Communication
Confrontation is only one form of communication and obviously the least fun. As a lawyer, you are communicating in so many different forms all day – email, text, phone, in-person, written, oral, etc. Working as a lawyer means you understand how critical open and honest communication is because making plans with incomplete or inaccurate information is a disaster.
I’m also far less judgmental about what that information is because I want to encourage sharing.
Lady Lawyers Trust Themselves
I admit that I am more likely to give someone the benefit of the doubt than average probably because that’s in my nature and also because as a litigator, I can argue both sides of every issue.
Even before the end, I had a bad feeling in my gut about this guy. Maybe it has to do with age, maturity, and professional success. But I also am more confident and trust myself more now. And in the future, I trust that I will be relying on my gut even more.
Conclusion – The Advantages of Dating as a Female Lawyer
I know lawyers get a bad rap for being difficult to date. People think we are all about arguing. We have way too much debt, are too obsessed with our jobs, and our outfits are too cute (ok I’m throwing in a compliment in there). But you can learn great lessons from being a lawyer that translate to being great in relationships.