Why You Should Buy Stuff, Not Experiences

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The science has come in and you will obtain more happiness by buying experiences over stuff.

But, I just don’t buy it (pun intended).

I will admit that I’m guilty of a love for shopping and a love for stuff, but stuff deserves a champion. The right stuff can make us happy. Especially with many of us still under lockdown, we have had a lot of time to spend with our stuff and a lot less ability to experience anything. Those of us who invested in a comfortable home environment are really benefitting right now. But here are some more reasons why stuff might be a good use of money, rather than a waste.

Stuff Reminds us of Experiences

Stuff versus experiences is not a binary choice. Sometimes stuff – like souvenirs – can count as a reminder of your experiences. Or the stuff, like gifts, reminds us of our loved ones or cherished experiences. Furthermore, the search for stuff – also known as shopping – can be pleasurable and an experience in its own rights. Some of my favorite memories of growing up are shopping with my mom and my stuff serves as a reminder of our relationship and those memories. And if shopping can count as an experience, then every “thing” is a souvenir.

Furthermore, sometimes you need the stuff to take the experience. You likely would need to buy a guitar if you’re going to learn to play the guitar. I mean, there are ways to get around it, but if you’re serious about a hobby or an activity, you will need to buy the stuff that helps you partake in it.

One shouldn’t go overboard and buy all the stuff one possibly can for a new hobby. But buying a few things here or there can make the experience easier and better and might help you stick with the hobby. So there you have more great experiences, brought to you by having stuff.

You Can Top Out on Experiences.

I’ve had lots of “unforgettable” experiences. Turns out, I’ve forgotten many of them. Your memory might also not be that great. The more experiences you have, the less any one experience sticks in your mind. If you have #FOMO or #YOLO thinking, each experience will have to vie with all the other great experiences for space in your mind. Souvenirs, photographs and Instagram can remind you of the good times but it’s not necessary to have a ton of great experiences in your memory; just a few may be enough.

This is not to say that you can’t also have too much stuff (tons of books have been devoted to getting rid of your excess stuff), but you can also have too many experiences to think about. And having more experiences can crowd out other experiences in your life.

Many Experiences Aren’t Worth It

If you bought a new suit and later realize that you work in a casual office or you buy a wildly expensive widget and have a change in circumstances, you can return it to the store for money or credit. Even if you’ve opened or used an item, you can sell the item to recoup part of the cost.

If you’re unhappy with your experience – too bad. I don’t want to scare you from going on that dream vacation  – but often dream experiences aren’t worth it. Worse, you can’t return it to the store.

I noticed this dichotomy when watching that seminal coming-of-personal-finance-age movie, Confessions of a Shopaholic. Sure, the protagonist gets into massive debt, but she pays it down by selling her stuff. Her bad decisions are (unrealistically) wiped clean because she has tangible objects of worth to barter for money. But it stands to reason that if you buy stuff, you can sell it to recoup some of your money and some of it could possibly have increased in value.

On the other hand, if you tried to trade your experiences for …anything, you wouldn’t necessarily get a dollar for it. You can’t trade back the vacation, the concert tickets, the gym classes. Yes, buying stuff can get you into financial trouble but because it is tangible, it can also be part of the solution to get you out of trouble. Experiences are priceless but only to you.

Your Daily Life is More Important than your Vacations

Two weeks is an average number of vacation days for an average American. But there are 52 weeks in a year. What are you doing with the other 50 weeks? Even if you spend one hour every day going to fancy restaurants, movies and sold-out concerts, you still have another 23 hours in the rest of your 50 weeks.

Experiences will never take up most of your day (unless you’re very liberal with the definition of “experience”).  It’s your stuff that’s with you hour after hour, day by day. Upgrading your stuff can cause a real improvement in your life because it affects the majority of the time in your life.

It may make sense to invest in a nice mattress that you sleep on 8 hours a day than to splurge on a vacation for 4 days. It may make more sense to buy the handbag that has all the bells and whistles that you enjoy to make your lugging it around all day easier and more enjoyable than to go to a concert.

Sometimes you have to live for today, and today might be better with nicer stuff.

Stuff can Bring you Joy.

Marie Kondo, international renowned unclutterer and author of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, asks her clients if an object brings joy. If it doesn’t, it goes away. Of course, she uses this language to suggest that certain objects don’t bring us joy but it serves to highlight the fact that certain objects do bring us joy. Buying tons of stuff will-nilly will not lead to happiness but buying the right stuff that you love can lead to joy.

Having and loving stuff has needlessly gotten a bad rap. People who love their stuff can be stereotyped as selfish or materialistic. However, studies have found that having strong attachments to our stuff is an indicator that we have strong ties to people. It’s our stuff that reminds us of our most important relationships and milestones. It’s our stuff that reminds us of the people we once were and the people we want to become. Our stuff is our tie to our community, our past, our present and our future. Seen in this light, stuff can certainly be a good thing in our lives.

I Love Experiences

So despite everything I’ve said here, I’m so excited that I went on a bunch of trips last year. I think traveling is super important to learn about others and to learn about yourself. I am so grateful for all the trips I took, meals I ate out, and all the other in-person experiences I experienced before lockdown.

That being said, stuff has been our savior during this lockdown. I am extremely grateful I spent the time to make a cozy home because I’ve had to spend a lot of time here. A car has become a necessity for many of us as personal protective equipment. People are less likely to want to rent everything right now because of the fear of contamination. The stuff that keeps us rooted in our homes is important, even critical, to our safety and happiness.

Be Careful Buying Stuff AND Experiences

So if I love experiences, why am I pro-buying stuff? My point here isn’t that people should never buy experiences but it has to be balanced. The lockdown has shown us that we can’t delay wonderful experiences assuming they’ll always be there. But we also need to be prepared to be in a place.

Since I’m on online dating, I read any number of profiles where people’s main goals are visiting as many countries as possible, and I wonder how you can build your life solely on the foreign. There’s value in trying new things, but there’s also value in building roots at home.

Conclusion – Buying Stuff Not Experiences

So next time you’re choosing between a concert or a new coat, give it a fair fight. Yes the concert will be fun for a night but if the coat will make you smile every morning in the winter, then that’s not necessarily a waste.

Stuff is important.

I’m not giving you license to spend all your money hoarding objects in your apartment. But if you want to buy a few things that make your life easier every day, that seems like a great use of your money.

Readers, what things bring you joy?

Treat Yo’Self: How to Splurge Without Guilt

splurge without guilt

Treat Yo’Self

I once dated a guy who only ate food that was “healthy.” This was disappointing for me because my favorite food is fried chicken.  3-piece Popeye’s with 2 sides and a biscuit – yum! I love desserts. I love ramen. I love food! I’ve never counted calories and I hate dieting.

Judging from what I just wrote, it would seem that I’m overweight and pretty gross. Well, maybe the latter but not the former. How do I do this? Well it’s because I’ve learned to treat myself, and splurge without guilt.

How to Splurge Without Guilt

What I’ve listed above are all aberrations to my diet. 90% of my meals are home cooked. I also practice intermittent fasting so I have a very calorie-restricted diet. I bike, climb, run, and swim regularly.

The secret to treating yourself without guilt is to make splurges abnormal and savings normal.

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Are You a Money Asshole or a Money Victim?

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There is an ever present debate on whether people can lift themselves up by their bootstraps or if many can’t get ahead because they lack privilege. Or as I may colorfully put it – the fight between money assholes and money victims.

But how do you know whether to be Team Asshole or Team Victim? The pros of one side are the cons of the other.  Therefore, I propose a third option – Team Empathy.

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15 Simple Hacks to Reduce Grocery Store Trips

15 simple hacks to reduce grocery store trips
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Even as states lift their lockdowns, minimizing trips to the grocery store is still a smart idea both for safety and for saving money. Every time you run out to the store, that takes time and gas (not to mention the possibility that you catch COVID19). And each grocery store visit means more temptation to buy more than you need. Instead of going out all the time, here are 15 tips to reduce your grocery store visits.

My tips are based on avoiding situations where you might need to run back to the store. The keys are avoiding running out of things, keeping essential foods fresh for as long as possible, and improvising if you want something that you don’t have at home.

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The Secret to Health, Wealth, and Happiness

secret to health wealth and happiness
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A few years ago, I realized I had discovered the “secret” to succeeding in the health, wealth, and happiness departments. I had lost ten pounds and was keeping it off. My legs had never been so toned, my skin was glowing, work was fulfilling, my finances were growing, and my relationships were going great.

And it wasn’t because I was working harder. I hadn’t been tormenting myself with terrible diets or 5am wake up calls. What was shocking about my transformation was how little sacrifice I had made.

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How I Afforded a Year Off from Law

how i afforded a year off from law job
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Over a year ago, I quit my steady well-paying law firm job. Despite not having a full-time job for almost 14 months, I haven’t worried about money. Here’s how I afforded my year off from legal work.

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The Benefits of Saving Even Small Amounts

benefits of saving even small amounts
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We Are Not Saving Enough

The savings rate for middle-class Americans is low. The rate jumped to 7.6% in 2019, but that’s still far below what it needs to be to put Americans on solid footing. Now that we are in unprecedented times and unemployment rates are up, savings will likely fall back. It seems easy to just give up. After all, even if you save 7.6% of your salary, it will take 13 years to save a year of expenses for an emergency fund. Thirteen years is a long time! But even if the savings are small, there are many benefits of saving even small amounts.

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We Teach Women to Retreat, We Teach Men to Advance

we teach women to retreat
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My inbox’s tone has been very gentle lately. The newsletters tell me, it’s a big scary world and I shouldn’t feel bad staying in my fetal position and only resurfacing when the world is better. Drinking more wine, spending time alone, and vegging out are encouraged, perhaps even celebrated.

Most of my newsletters are directed at women. This is not a coincidence. We teach women to retreat; we men to take charge.

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3 Devastating Mistakes Lawyers Make When Creating a Budget (and How to Avoid them)

3 devastating mistakes lawyers make when creating a budget
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Setting a budget may is tough already but following a budget requires a never-ending slew of decisions and judgments. Budgets are cruel dictators, mean CEOs. They don’t care about us, the little guys, the minions that are carrying out their wishes. But even though we may all complain about how arbitrary and unhelpful our bosses are (I know I do), we may not all question our budgets. Even the best laid plans need to be evaluated and revised as conditions change. Budgets are no different and this is the perfect time to determine whether your budget is ailing from one of the following three mistakes that mess up budgets for lawyers.

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How to Navigate an Emergency without an Emergency Fund

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It’s not helpful to scold anyone for not saving for the present moment. And it’s a lot of people. 50% of Americans don’t have the emergency savings to live through the Covid-19 pandemic. Maybe you’ve just started your job or just started to get your financial life under control. Or maybe your financial situation was never in control. Whatever your situation, if you find yourself in an emergency situation without an emergency fund, here’s how to handle it.

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