Why do nice girls finish last? Being “nice” is different than being “kind”, even though the two can look the same from a distance. Being nice is performing acts in order to get something in return. Being kind is treating people with compassion without any expectation of return. Surprisingly, despite the lack of manipulation, being kind will get you far in life while being nice will give you nothing but frustration. Always be kind, don’t waste time being nice. Nice girls always finish last.
My friends still talk about the buffet to this day – raw oysters, fresh shrimp, smoked salmon, caviar, fresh carved prime rib. And all sorts of other foods that were delicious (and expensive). Beautiful ambiance. It was cheaper than what we thought they could charge, but it wasn’t so cheap that we suspected something.
It was great but it was also all a bit too much. It was fun mixed with guilt, and the guilt subtracted from the fun.
Sometimes excess is actually an obstacle to being happy, and it’s very possible to have joy even on a bare bones budget.
My inbox’s tone has been very gentle lately. The newsletters tell me, it’s a big scary world and I shouldn’t feel bad staying in the fetal position. Drinking more wine, spending time alone, and vegging out are encouraged, perhaps even celebrated.
Most of my newsletters are directed at women. This is not a coincidence. We teach women to retreat, we teach men to take charge. But that means we are teaching women to be weak, and we are missing out on all this resilience from half of our population. In difficult times, we need to encourage women to be resilient.
Good Stories During the Coronavirus
There is no shortage of bad things to discuss right now. It’s easy to lambast governments for their actions or inactions or to be indignant at people for not socially distancing properly or for panic buying or other acts of selfishness. We were already in an outrage cycle before the world fell apart.
If I move away from the internet, I see so much good and so much to be grateful for. I could find good stories even during the coronavirus lockdown. If this pandemic were happening pre-Zoom and Google Hangouts, pre-Internet, pre-Tiger King, it would be way worse. I’m grateful that this is all happening as the weather is getting warmer so people have the option to go outside and might even get more sunshine than normal. I’m excited for my friends who are new parents, who get to spend more time with their newborns while on lockdown. Really, it could have been much worse.
There are so many financial tasks that we “know” we should do, but who has the time to even remember them, let alone do them. But now that we are all in social distancing, do we have a lot of excuses?
I’ve compiled a list of 50 quick and simple financial tasks you can complete in quarantine to get you jumpstarted on your money goals. These aren’t all clearly “financial” but every part of your life impacts your finances – your health, your relationships, etc. I wouldn’t do them all in a day, but any one of them is feasible in a day. These are all beginner tasks but stay tuned for another post with more advanced tips.
On February 4, 2019, I quit my job. February 19 was my last day at work, and February 20 was my first day of freedom. On this one year anniversary, I’d like to look back at what happened the year that I retired at 35.Continue reading “What Happened When I Retired for a Year at 35”
How Fear Became Common Sense for Women
There are over a billion hits for articles on how to support strong women. Maybe we can start by crushing society’s tendency to teach women to be afraid. For years now, I’ve seen articles and social media posts discussing how #yesallwomen live in constant fear of violence. This fear means women refrain from many enjoyable routine activities like exercising, going out at night, or traveling by themselves.
This idea bothers me every time I see it. The fear is grossly outsized compared with the actual risk. For example, Wikipedia states:
Although fear of crime is a concern for people of all genders, studies consistently find that women around the world tend to have much higher levels of fear of crime than men, despite the fact that in many places, and for most offenses, men’s actual victimization rates are higher. [emphasis added]
Lawyers and depression go together far too often. Learn how to help lawyers who are suffering from mental health problems.
In my previous post, I talked about why lawyers are so depressed and now we get to the meat: how to help a depressed lawyer. TL:DR – the legal world is an environment that leads to depression. It doesn’t provide meaning, creativity, the chance to build meaningful relationships, the opportunity to be in nature, security, hope, intrinsic values, etc. The good news is that there’s likely nothing wrong with you if you’re a lawyer and you’re depressed. The environment would be enough to make a lot of mentally resilient people depressed. Still, we shouldn’t feel content knowing the causes of depression – we should learn ways to combat it. The following are some ideas to help a lawyer with depression, even if that lawyer is you.
A month ago, I logged into Facebook and saw a suicide note. Through the comments, I found out my friend had passed. I remembered the last suicide I had heard of -a young lawyer. Lawyers and mental illness are inextricably linked. While some commentators have tried to explain why attorneys suffer from depression, I wasn’t convinced so I looked into it myself. Why are lawyers so depressed? Here are my thoughts.Continue reading “Why Are Lawyers Depressed?”
At 11am on a nondescript Monday in February, I noticed that nothing unpleasant had happened yet. That was unusual. And noting that peculiarity seemed like reason enough to quit my law firm job.
I tell people it was a spontaneous decision. There was no particular day in my mind, but I knew that day I couldn’t do it anymore. Rereading my journal, however, I came across this entry:
I just can’t continue on at my job. It’s never-ending [work]. I’m constantly stressed and crying and there’s no relief in sight.
I wrote this in March of 2017, almost two years before I gave notice.
They say it takes decades to become an overnight success, so maybe it’s also true for overnight failure. I remember for so long actually liking my job that I failed to look around and notice, hey I don’t like this anymore. This is the true story of why I quit my law firm job.