Is money ruining your relationship? It’s easy to say that we fight about money because it’s scarce. But unless your fight is about student loans, gambling or property, there’s a good chance that the fight is not about a make-or-break expense. Most of our fights are about our judgements, not our bank accounts. Once we realize why we fight, we can start to break out of the cycle of fighting over money. I’m a lawyer, not a psychologist – so I’m phrasing this as “ideas” and not “tips.” They’re little brainstorms I had after I had a fight about money.Continue reading “Is Money Ruining Your Relationship? 5 Ideas to Help You Stop Fighting”
Being bad at math is often used as an excuse to be bad with money. Never mind that one still needs to learn about and manage one’s own finances. Still, no matter how badly one’s math grades were – money is not about math; it’s about emotions and expectations. This is how expectations destroy finances.
My post about why it sucks to date as a female lawyer is the most popular post on this blog. But I don’t want to paint a pitiable picture of dating as a lawyer; there are also great advantages to dating as a lady lawyer. Becoming a lawyer set the stage for better relationships in my future.
Why do nice girls finish last? Being “nice” is different than being “kind”, even though the two can look the same from a distance. Being nice is performing acts in order to get something in return. Being kind is treating people with compassion without any expectation of return. Surprisingly, despite the lack of manipulation, being kind will get you far in life while being nice will give you nothing but frustration. Always be kind, don’t waste time being nice. Nice girls always finish last.
A money and power imbalance is why dating sucks for female lawyers. Couples often fight about money, particularly if the distribution of money is uneven. Money is a proxy for power, and power imbalances lead to disagreements.
When the Woman Earns More
Because of the pay gap, most heterosexual relationships involve a higher-earning man and a lower-earning woman. But in 29% of hetero relationships, less than 1/3, the woman out-earns the man. This figure has been increasing for decades, but is still a small minority of couples. It’s unlikely, then, that either person in a couple has experience with a higher-earning mother. The newness of this type of relationship and the high likelihood that women lawyers will be involved in such a relationship can lead to growing pains.
Being single seems like it would be an impediment to advancing in your career. For instance, a significant other can halve your chores and expenses and provide advice and support – clear benefits. For me though, being single helped advance my career. It turns out that my experience is typical for highly educated women professionals. Here are 9 ways being single can help a women’s career (or how being married/coupled can hurt it) and my experience navigating these obstacles.